The journey to healing is seldom easy. A big part of reclaiming yourself and your power rests on your ability to overcome the obstacles that you may run into on your healing journey. In this article, our contributor explores 4 such obstacles and how women can overcome them.
1. You feel ashamed
Most of us feel ashamed about our problems and are afraid of reaching out. We do not want people to know what we are struggling with because we are so focused on protecting our public persona; This is especially the case when what we’re struggling with does not align with our ‘brand’ or present values. Sometimes our past selves do not align with our present and opening up may paint a different picture – and we fear people will view us differently.
OVERCOME: It is hard to put yourself out there. However, keeping it to yourself makes it harder because ultimately you are still stuck and the problem is still not solved. The best way to deal with it is to share with someone so you can begin the journey to actually healing. You have to admit that you need help. This could be through seeking therapy or mentorship or a support circle or group that can relate to your problem.
Shame only survives in secrecy. Take baby steps – talk to someone and admit that you need help or feel stuck. Once on this journey, you can start taking bigger steps towards transparency wit yourself first, and then with the people you trust.
2. You think you should have this figured out by now
There are some areas in life where we feel like we are not where we should be. It often comes from the pressure that society puts on us, academically, in our careers or lives, etc. It all originates from the notion that we have to have our lives together at a certain point or age – and this isn’t a universal reality for many of us because we all go through different phases and stages at very different points in our lives…. Even biologically!
OVERCOME: Pain and trauma doesn’t discriminate. You need to recognise that just because you are stalling in your healing process doesn’t mean you are doing anything wrong. There could be younger parts of you that experienced trauma and didn’t get enough support through it; or you could only now be feeling unresolved pain that you’ve carried with you for too long. Accept that even though you and Jane experienced ‘identical’ trauma or pain, nothing guarantees you’ll both heal at the same time. Your healing is yours to navigate. Reach out for support and work on the modalities and delve more into things that align with you.
3. You are afraid
Change often breeds fear. It is human nature to get comfortable in the known. When one thing changes, we get scared that we are going to have to make adjustments that may be painful and hard all at once. Sometimes we are afraid to confront our past memories or feelings because we’re used to carrying them around but keeping them locked up in a mental shrine in our brains doesn’t help either.
OVERCOME: Fear often comes about when we experience change. It is important to get really clear on what the fear is. Understand what you are most afraid of and take what that is on. Ultimately, you need to choose between the fear to heal your deepest wounds or your desire to live the life you most want.
4. You are trying to ignore it
The best way to handle our troubles is to face them; to confront the darkest parts of our lives. To accept what happened (and if any at all, take responsibility for whatever part we may have had in it) and understand that it’s done.
OVERCOME: Instead of making what you want to heal an enemy, accept that it is your reality. If it is important to to healing, examine where that pain comes from. Finally, forgive yourself if you blame yourself for what happened.
Always remember, you too deserve to be the best version of yourself.