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Dear James: Can love override money?

If you know me, you’ll know that I always say that “love is dangerous” because people think that love is about looking into each other’s eyes, kissing and all the movie stuff. But love, true love is allowing someone to hurt you but trusting that they won’t, and so for some of us it comes many times (tell us your secret) but for others it comes once in a blue moon. When it comes around you really enjoy that movie, especially the soft and sweet parts but you must know there WILL come a point when that bubble will pop and when it pops, YOH! Be ready to land either bruised or brave because you know that there’s more than cloud #9 to this ish.

They say the top reason for divorce and unhappy marriages is money and literally this goes back to basic instincts. The fancy term for this is called Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. Money comes right there at the bottom with physiological and safety needs. Here’s why, if your basic needs such as water, food and safety are not provided, you will starve and feel unsafe, and the same goes with money. So, when you are on cloud #9 you do stupid things, because while you’re in that bubble they provide the necessary sustenance of the bottom two levels. They give you water and food and give you safety, BASICALLY you have allowed that cloud #9 to be the base of your life and lifestyle. That is the first sign that “love” is dangerous. But here’s the thing it’s not REAL love, it’s actually lust. There’s a great story of lust, love and trust in the Bible, shall we?

Samson and Delilah: A summary

Samson was a powerful king who fell in love with Delilah. She was bribed to tell enemies of how Samson had supernatural strength. So, Delilah tried and tried to learn the source of his power but he refused to share where his strength came from. Until one night when she wore him down and coaxed him into revealing that his hair, whichhad never been cut since birth, was the source of his strength. Finally knowing his secret, she cut all his hair and his enemies were able to attack. (Judges 16:4-19)

Now here Samson was on cloud #9 and really in love with Delilah, but she had other motivations and that is the second sign that love is dangerous. You both need to be in it for the same reasons. I know in the beginning it’s tough because we are trying to be cute, playing hard to get, sending cute pictures and blah blah blah but if you are serious about each other, the masks must eventually come off and you must show each other your true colours. Sometimes people are so good that they can tell you what you want to hear all the time, but if you ever come to that stage where you and your partner tell each other your true motives, make sure that they are the same, and not only via WhatsApp but though actions. “Actions REALLY and TRULY do speak louder than words” because the problem here was that Samson knew he was set apart, he knew he had supernatural strength but like all of us he just wanted love, that’s all. And sometimes you are not even looking for it, it just happens and when it does it’s great. The late-night conversations and calls, the “good morning” texts, midday check-ins and chats, it’s literally the best, BUT you also have to remember that GOD set Samson apart with his supernatural strength and He has set you apart for someone too.

So back to the premise of my conversation, money. It is the root of all evil and when you forget that you are set apart, and that GOD has someone who is supposed to be yours in all the right ways you allow literally little things, like money to chain you. We can agree by now that money is the root of all evil but I think more importantly we should look at how money is being used and abused within relationships and that I think, makes it purely evil. When you allow it to chain you, keep you, confuse you and even hurt you because at the end of the day you know he’s not going to pay you back but you still have faith in him, you still trust in him and believe the pure BULLSHIT he spits at you all the while forgetting that you are set apart.

Money is bad BUT so are you for forgetting who has your love story in His hands. We always want to take control of it ourselves, we want it to happen while sitting next to him on the train, or bumping into her down the street or the best one, “we started off as work colleagues and the rest is history.” Now I’m not saying that can’t happen BUT if it’s YOUR love story you are playing out, it often doesn’t always play out to your fantasies. If you wanted to kiss someone, anyone whether it’s someone you kissed yesterday, on Valentines, on News Year at Afropunk or before Afropunk you would kiss them BUT all in all this is all you determining your love story

You need to remember that you are set apart, #seriously set apart and so when things become toxic, when you really want him but you know he is bad for you, when you know you’re not going to get that money back, when you know that there is no substance to the relationship, it’s purely physical. It’s time to remember that you are set apart, to remember that there is someone out there and that their motives are pure unlike Delilah. And don’t allow your basic instincts or values to be misled because he’s out there saying to you and others “I’m just a nice guy.” Know you are set apart and treat yourself like that because when you are able to treat yourself like that, people understand the level of respect that you deserve and need in order to be in your space.

I think you need to understand that whether it was James or John or even Delilah that let you down and made you question the power and influence of money or anything else that can hold or hurt a relationship, you always need to remember that you are set apart, set apart for someone who can really care for you in the way that you truly need to be cared for. Don’t let money confuse you, don’t give into lust because they say the right things. Doing that only helps them use that weakness against you. Instead, allow the true love story to be told by GOD because when it is, it’s the best.

About Author

S O L’ is an online magazine that bases its content around Faith and Fashion. The magazine showcases the beauty of women’s personal style whilst linking them to relatable stories and bible scripture that can be applied to their day to day lives. S O L’ Founder and Director, Mwenya C, describes the magazine as a place of self-discovery. “Similarly, how we all have our own individual style is how we all have a personal relationship with scripture. By blending the two, we allow ourselves to learn off and grow from each other’s experiences” she explains.